Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The demon weed: don't touch it, it will ruin your life

I have made my firm views on drug use pretty explicit.

It is without a doubt a major problem in our society. It is nothing less than a scandal.

Booze is getting more and more expensive and drugs prohibited by historical quirk appear to be getting harder to acquire and, yes, more expensive.

And should we actually take out a mortgage in order to acquire an appropriate level of intoxication to deal with late monopoly capitalism, the cops would rather see us forced to overdose in a bid to avoid persecution than enjoy them in peace.

How the fuck are we meant to get wasted? Or do our rulers seriously expect us to just cope sober?

However, I am the first to admit when I have made a mistake.

Now, mostly I choose booze (which would make a great advertising slogan), but I have never sought to counterpose my choice to those of others. We are, all of us, united by our deep-seated desire to kill the pain, even for just a bit.

However, it is clear that when it comes to marijuana, I for one clearly underestimated its dangers. It turns out it is the demon weed after all.

Yes, the world was rocked just days ago when the News of the World, a bastion of investigative journalism for the betterment of humanity, published a photo of Olympic hero Michael Phelps enjoying a cone.

I had always considered the likes of Phelps to be bizzare freaks who do crazy things to themselves for no apparant reason.

Now, thanks to the NOTW, it all makes horrible sense.

This is a clear example of the dangers of smoking pot.

It starts out as the odd joint with mates. But it is a slippery slope.

You go deeper and deeper until the next thing you know you are a champion swimmer and the greatest Olympian in history in terms of gold medals won.

Can you begin to concieve of the amount of pain and suffering it takes to reach such a situation? I mean what sort of lifestyle is that?

It is proof that pot make you do completley irrational things. I mean, seriously, how wasted do you have to be to decide it would be a cool thing to get in a pool and then swim to the end, only to turn around and swim back again?

Over and over again?

Now, swimming in moderation is fine. But it so often starts as just a bit of harmless fun, but before long you find yourself doing it every day. Obsessively, and at the expense of all other facets of your life.

At first, it is just a few laps. Next thing you know, you're hooked.

It starts with pot and it ends with a severe swimming addiction.

What a horrible way to live.

Don't touch pot, it'll end with tears and whatever horrible national anthem your nation has playing while you stand on a podium.

It started as a bit of fun at parties. It ended with the "Star Spangled Banner" playing twenty times.


  1. If I was incontinent (or stoned), I would have wet myself laughing. Fortunately...

  2. This would also explain the tendency of stoners to stand around for hours (days? weeks) on end kicking a small woollen bag of rice up into the air, and why - despite the copious amounts of food they consume - they almost always seem malnourished and bone-thin.

    Frightening to think what people do to themselves on that stuff. Next thing they'll go and become politicians or something...

  3. Dear Red Wombat,

    Allow me the be the first to congratulate you on the post finding you continent. It is an enormous relief for all involved.

    I thank you, sir, for you posts

    Carlo Sands,
    possibly deceased

  4. I am now positive I have gone back in time and assumed this persona.

    Watch out for the still... and don't drink the mash made with turbo yeast. You cannot even work out a toilet roll on that shit.

    Now, am2201 on the other hand, is not one of the 8 listed. Good news for incoherent alcoholics that like to dabble.


  5. Dear Bonehenge,

    I thank you for the comment, but quite clearly you failed to heed to warning in this post. Your comment is a further warning to readers of the need to avoid the demon weed.

    Seriously, Bonehenge, what THE FUCK are you talking about?

    Carlo Sands,
    actually deceased since my last comment